The Breakup Dress

Please Stop Quoting Dumb Ass Teenage Vampire Movies
It has to be said, because a breakup already sucks and these choices of words in your breakup speeches are just downright annoying.

This post is one I’ve been hanging onto for almost a year and half now because, as with relationships, it’s all about the timing. Today, this post is ready to share with the world because I have a real great dress with Kix’ies thigh highs to feature, perfect for the breakup occasion.


I call it…

‘The Breakup Dress’
When dressing for the big bad world, there are three dresses I advocate having in your closet at all times: the interview dress, the funeral dress, and ‘The Breakup Dress.’ In these life moments, concern for attire is the last thing on your mind. However, you can’t show up naked either.

In short, the breakup dress is your ready-to-go-dress made to make you look smoking hot — so hot that it’s selfie worthy, and all you have to do is smack a meme on that goes like this:


The dress is to be worn immediately after a breakup for an awesome #GNO (Girls Night Out).


La Vida Soltera
This isn’t about escapism through fashion and a GNO, it’s about empowerment through autonomy and self-love. Breakups bring all sorts of undesirable emotions and behaviors, but over time I’ve learned that just because Hollywood and the media present breakups as these awful, painful, depressing occurrences, reality can be much different. I’m not saying I haven’t done my fair share of indulging in the break up wallow, but over time I’ve learned that a breakup is an opportunity to strut a black cowl neck top with mesh backing, and a black patterned skater skirt with thigh highs courtesy of Kix’ies. Top it off with a pair of 4-inch Mary Janes and blinging accessories by bebe and C.Wonder for a classy sexy look.


WANTED: Relationship & Dating Schooling
An opportunity for breakup schooling surfaces, and I revert to rereading some of my favorite blogs on relationships and dating such as ‘Baggage Reclaim‘ and ‘Just My Type Magazine.’ It baffles me how we spend more time teaching kids in school about a lot things they will never need to know in life. They must know about WW2 bombs and battles for instance, but we leave out how to love, self-heal, move forward, adhere crucial perspective adaptations, to enjoy the journey instead of resenting it, and (ever importantly) how to protect yourself from head games and ploys of manipulation.

For some of the most inspiring words I’ve come across regarding dating, Leandra Medine, author of my favorite blog, ‘The Man Repeller,’ and her latest book, Man Repeller: Seeking Love. Finding Overalls, reminds us that is all part of the process,

“As it turns out, dating is actually a complex process of elimination, one that allows a woman to weed out the bad and only permit the good to blossom. As with all gardening though, the blossoming takes time and sometimes a lot of effort, but almost always results in beautiful flowers, which in turn make for one hell of a floral print. I am talking better than Celine Resort 2012 – and don’t you tell me you’d don’t remember that.”

Celine Resort 2012

This Isn’t My First Break-Up Rodeo
Go back to your first failed relationship and imagine if you ended up with that person. I don’t know about you, but forever is a long time to be with that knucklehead or other [fill in the blank]. Consequently, there has been a substantial accruement of break-up dresses. Nowadays, I own a good five or so. Emphasis on the so.

Here is the dress worn in 2011, and twice in 2012. The fabulously sexy bebe dark beige, satin halter with tassel ties paired with a snakeskin patterned mini skirt. A DIY dress fastened by a large black patent belt to hide the extra pounds (aka panza) put on in the natural course of relationships.


By wearing this dress every post break-up, subconsciously “The Breakup Dress” was coined. It was a pattern of reverting to the hottest dress I owned, exuding an aura of WHAPOW! KAPOW! for the tradition that follows a breakup: going out with your girlfriends.

But January Breakups Change Things
Two Januarys ago, I experienced a breakup. In natural tanchi fashion, I reached for the bebe ensemble that had served me so well at the club all these years. But even with the KAPOW WOWOW factor, it was January, and I was going to freeze in this dress. That’s just not sexy.

Do We Really Have To Be Sad?
Metaphorically, and on deeper level, I also realized I didn’t want to wear this dress because this was a different breakup. With this break-up, I was confronted with need to learn one of the greatest lessons of all–to just let things go. Challenged to master the unconventional notion of “dropping it” (a powerful psychological tactic even used to even cure alcoholism and eating disorders). Handling it conventionally by dwelling and revisiting ‘ish’ doesn’t always help. That’s because there is a lot of great, positive, and wonderful experiences happening even after that person chooses to no longer be in your life.

Don’t Get Even, Get Genius
La Bella Tanchi is here today because of an ex and a breakup.

This is what I call getting genius, instead of even.

In similar fashion, The Man Repeller used her noncommittal 5-year relationship and put on blast all the shenanigans of her now husband to make a pretty buck of her hit book. She’s one of Adweek’s “Fashion Power 25″ which recognizes those “who truly matter in fashion and style,” beating out Lady Gaga, Michelle Obama, and Anna Wintour. To date, because of this blog I been to the NYC offices at Condé Nast, got my foot in the door in a public relations career, and have grown beautiful friendships with San Diego Style Bloggers. Best of all, this blog has created a niche for non-traditional bodies to rock style brilliantly.

Imagine if we were taught all of our lives that people will come and go and that ownership, especially of people, is the great faux pas of our lives.

Can I get a DAYUM?
So on this particular night I wore a black bebe ¾ sleeve lace inset dress instead. The ladies and I had a great time.


After a breakup you have choices. There’s wallowing which trains your brain to feel like shit when breakups happen, you can Facebook stalk and hang on a little longer instead of letting go, or you can indulge in other typical unhealthy breakup activities. But instead, the best choice one can make is to draw on that inner tanchi and put on a breakup dress. Better yet, even try a crop top that says,

this crop top ain’t got time for lil’ bitches.

That’s right, give me a DAYUM. This one is for you ladies.

Tanchi & The Break-Up Dress – because we love you.

Thank you Anna Johnson for the beautiful photographs. <3


    I LOVE these photos of you. Hot mamasita!

  • Tanya

    Thanks Heidi!

  • Anna Johnson Photography

    Thank you for sharing and the card! Xoxo